Throwback

Salam bloggie :) It's been very long kn?haha Sorry for not updating you selalu. hahaha kdg2 xde mood, kdg2 x smpt. sory bloggie :3

Everytime I update you, mst ada sbb.hahahah well, you know me. I want to rant about A, now my ex. I don't care if he read this or not. I hope not because i don't really want him to know what am I thinking. But, it's ok. If Allah open his heart to read this, I know that Allah has good reasons behind that.

I knew A since Ramadhan dinner 2010. well, he doesn't noticed me i bet. When I first saw him, he's nice but too bad, his appearance was not my type. Then, I saw him again during the camp and we're in the same group. Got to know each other and i was attracted to him but i decided to never pursue him since he's such a good guy and deserve a decent girl, not me. I'm not your typical Malay girl who is shy around guys, no. I have a lot of guy friends and i am very close to them. i also have this tomboyish attitude that make me easily being friendzoned by my guy friends and I like that. Back to A. We helped each other during universities' application processes and i started to like him more. When i was absolutely sad by my bad IB result, i was driven by mad thoughts and confessed to him. Thank God, the feeling was mutual. So, we started this long distance relationship since i'm in Perak and he's in Putrajaya. Text messages and calls became frequent. We occasionally met, either me going to KL to see him or him coming to Perak to see me. He even saw me at work :)

When I got accepted to a university in Sarawak, I was very happy. Honestly, I never thought that we will have any problem because heh, we even started as a long distance couple. So, he helped, encouraged and listened to me all the time. He was a perfect boyfriend. Then, after 9 months in Sarawak, he got into a local university in Selangor, I was very happy for him. He made new friends and he's enjoying his life.

However, I realised that he's changed, a bit. When people on the phone, we can usually sense the other person's mood. When we talked on the phone, i can sense that he was not really in the mood and just did his best to bear with me. I thought i was being stupid and told myself that he's tired. I was angry at myself for thinking that. And then, I was busy for finals and we didn't contact for almost 3 weeks! I was waiting for his calls but he didn't, so i thought better not to disturb him as he was busy with his new life. But then, he was mad at me for not contacting him, not trying to call him for those 3 weeks. I did send messages. He was the one who said that he will not let me call him because a guy is the one supposed to do that. *Sigh* luckily, it was resolved neatly.There was this one girl at that time that he was always tweet with. I was happy because now, he can be friends with girls because he was not really good with girls before. He is a shy guy after all :)

One early morning, at 3 something , I got a message, asking me the possibility to remain friends even if we didn't make it. Allah knows how shocked I was. I couldn't sleep at all. Thinking what i did wrong. Did I say something bad to him? Did I hurt him without me knowing? After few messages for the next 2 days, he asked for a break up because he couldn't bear the distance. He felt like a stranger. Are u kidding me?? I loved u to death. I even wanted to get married to u. Maybe I was not good in expressing myself but hey, I said to you the magic words "i love you". Me, who hates mushiness, told you that i loved u and called u sayang. Yet u felt like s stranger?? I asked him was there ever a girl that gives him everyday's attention that I couldn't. He took freaking 40 minutes to reply no. Why so long? Why do u even need time to think if there was really no girl? And you told me that you will never disappoint me and I'm the girl that you want to grow old with. *Sigh* I was too heartbroken. I thought our bond was stronger than this. I trusted him too much.

A, I was blindly loyal to you. Of course I will forgive you, but not any time sooner. Give me time and when I'm completely forgive you, we'll be friends again. For now, don't expect me to treat you like a close friend because the wound is not yet healed. Time will heal everything. Just know that while we're together, I never thought of other guys as possible spouse, all of them are my brothers. I even bought u a T-shirt and cups for your parents. May Allah bless u and may Allah heal my heart as soon as possible because I want to be able to see you without any hard feeling. In shaa Allah.

Allah knows what's best for all of us :)

Sincerely,
Hamba Allah

blog~

Assalamulaikum and HI people!!!!!!!hahahah

Ok,now that i'm in the mood to post another one in one night, i might just go for it.

People are different. there is no way we can be exactly the same like each other. Some people use their blogs to express themselves. Some people use their blogs to tell people about their lives and gain advises and supports from them. Some people BERDAKWAH dgn blog...Alhamdulillah :) Some people use their blogs just to express their feelings, their emotions. Some people treat their blogs as their online diaries.

As for me, i definitely belong to the forth group. Using the blog to purely express my feelings and emotions, opinions. Well, i'm not that rajin to update blog selalu pun~hahahaha when the feeling is overwhelming, i honestly think that it is wise to express it somewhere. hahaha mmg nice after we told people our problems, but sometimes, writing about it makes the whole thing better for some people.

So, tq bloggie for being my...superb ear! I love u! :)

Talking about blogging...

my favourite blogger : Lautan Rabbani
http://lautanrabbani.blogspot.com/

my favourite vlogger: mat luthfi
http://www.youtube.com/user/matluthfi90

I kagum dgn these people. they voice out their opinions without hesitations but with careful cautions and nice intentions. May Allah bless them :)

Till later k,
Hamba Allah :)

everything~

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to everyone...especially my dear bloggie!!hahaha miss u :)

It has been a very long time since i last posted at least, something here. hahaha lots of things happened. And I mean it when i said a lot. Many things changed, I myself included. Whether it's for the better or for the worse, only Allah knows :)

Everyday I face something new. hahaha kalo dulu bile kena tegur or kene marah, terus down. now ni, dh lali dh~ kfc changed my life in a very big way. hahaha i can say that the whole thing about kfc is my biggest "doom" moment in my life.I have never felt so useless or stupid in my whole life before. being yelled in front of customers because of not entirely my mistakes, some of my coworkers talked bad things behind my back, accused of trying to steal someone's bf!! okay, enough! no use crying over spilled milk. although i can't really say anything to them because 1) they were intimidating me and 2) malas nak panjang2kan hal dgn mereka, it is very painful to keep everything inside. Sangat xsihat ye~hahaha so, people, hereby i would like to announce that i was a total defeated weakling at that time.

But thanks to people around me, i am climbing up! at least, that's what i'm doing.i'm doing my best.

Duduk kt umh the whole time was not really a nice thing to do. Considering my parents yg nak anak dorg ni berkerja and learn the hardships of life, people around me yang keep bangkitkan isu me working at kfc for only 5 days every single time and 'unintentionally' telling me that i was lembik!, hahahah....apa2 je r..mls nk fikir...

after one month,( lama gilee!!@//@) i minta keje again. Alhamdulillah, dengan izin Allah, dpt keje kt kedai baby PP Shoppe. Dpt gak keje kt tempat lain, but decided to work there. Its peaceful and most importantly, ada bau baby yg sangat wangi everywhere and dpt jumpa babies everyday!! hahahahha Everyday, ada je bnde baru yg i belajar. Although with some annoyance and irritation, hahaha it is still very nice to learn something new. Seriously, I need to change. Be more sensible and not easily annoyed at people's 'different' way of 'showing their care'.hhahahha :)

I love myself. not being vain, but i thought by writing here would be a new medicine to my broken heart. I want my heart to be healthy :) pain! go away!!I don't need u....maybe, i am lembik after all..

But hey, semua org ad ups and downs. jangan risau isha, nnt ko 'up' balik r tu~and kalo ko lembik pun, so what, you are human.wekk!hahaha insyaAllah :)

Indeed, above all, Allah is the only one yg betul2 memahami :) :) :) <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
till later k,
Assalamulaikum and goodbye :)

 

Yours sincerely,

Hamba Allah

this is ...scary!

Nisha, this is bad. 

what if you like him more than him liking you?????

andwehh!! nehi!!!Wuargh!!! malu gell!!!!!!!!!!

That should not happen. In the end, you just gonna hurt yourself.

so, Nisha, control your freaking feeling!!

hee, memalukan je!

till next post,

Isha

i'm not that strong :)

Assalamualaikum bloggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahhaa mcm dh lmbat je nk announce this thing but IB is overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! 16th of May ari tu. after paper econs.

bile dh abis exam, dpt result. Dengan takdir Allah S.W.T. , isha failed. dpt 30, feeling so stupid like hell.hahahah

To be completely honest, i seriously was having thoughts to kill myself for approximately 5-10 minutes. Such a fool, I am. Nangis sket kt mak. Kesian, mak risau. After all those thoughts, tetibe dpt ilham dr Allah S.W.T. utk baca Yassin supaya strong balik. After that, mmg dgn nekadnya, went to klcc and had a meeting with Kak Zahirah and En Norman. rse lega sbb xterminate. Mak minta maaf sbb mak ada gak doa supaya x g sbb xnk berjauh so soon. It's ok mak, Isha fhm :)

after meeting tu, call mak. mak pesan buat je apa isha nak today. let it all out. mak xkn restrain. Bagitau mak pasal A. hahahahahha mak happy sbb finally anak sulung dye ni dh mule fikir nk seriously view guys as other than friends or crushes. blinded by perasaan yg kacau-bilau, i confessed. Alhamdulillah the feeling is mutual. Happy :)

isha seriously tanak g btn tp mak n abah suruh.to complete my task as a Petronas scholar. Mak, Abah, Isha xkuat. nape suruh isha pegi btn gak? it was so painful but being someone with little tears (which some girls consider it cool but IT IS SO NOT COOL BECAUSE IT WAS SO PAINFUL TO NOT BE ABLE TO CRY YOUR HEART OUT), i just could not cry. I also could not say no to them. I went to the btn thingy.

all those talks about program transformasi bla bla really hurt me. many people ( i mean it when i said many) asked how o felt. people, boleh x jgn tanya soalan yg mmg dh tau jawapan? hahahahahhahaha mst r sedey. but crying is not gonna change anything. better move on cepat2 je. me? poker face? nmpk sgt xknl sgt diri isha ni. i'm not good in hiding emotions.

I was having many thoughts waktu nk attend graduation. Boleh plak si S ckp," Nisha, cbe ko consider perasaan org lain when you are making decisions?" what the f!!!! " ada pernah korg consider feelings aq when korg sume excited cite psl oversea? ad ke? " i replied with a forced smile. she said sorry. It's ok, I understand. like i said, i'm not that strong.

well, ad gak happy things yg occured in my life after result. Hikmah Allah rasanya. Next post k?

Still gaining strength,

Isha :)

guys~

annyeong bloggyyyy!!!!

how're u?

hehhehe i know u miss me right?teehee~

sorry,not in the right state of mind right now.

today,mmg x productive langsung.

tgk korea je keje.hahah

naseb bek dh abis english.

tp still,ad maths IA!!!!eottoke!!

ok~

regarding this entry.dont worry its just gonna be a short one :)

hahahha its not that i hv something long to talk about.

for the past few months, there were two guys who stupidly bothered my mind.

first is A.he was such a 'nice' guy.sweet talker.

like a typical girl,for some stupid reasons, i liked his sweet talks.

damn u,sweet talks!hahaahhahaha

i've been mislead,i shouldnt like him.because..he already has someone else in his heart.

im sorry but i'm feeling like a fool now ni because u acted so sweet to me n im not cool enough to ignore that.

but u used to told me that 'im single.btul2 single!'

ntahpape je.honestly, dont act sweet to a girl if u dont mean it!!!!i'll cause misunderstanding.

its official.i really hate sweet talkers with all my heart!!!!!

just when i started to open up for guys,this hateful thing happen!

i think for now,...i kinda hate guys,

second guy, J. he is so nice.

but i dragged him into a game.

i'm scared whether i've burdened him or not.

i asked R to ask him and he said he is not burdened.

lega~:)

he likes me as a friend.good,i can finally reaffirm myself too :)

i feel absolutely stupid for talking about guys!!!!!!!

i think hlovate is right.

'guys are stupid.some men too.throw rocks at them. pots n pans too!!!!'

for now, i really100x hate guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lets hope it'll change.i want to get married too~hehehe

later.taa~ :)

that day~

that day,thursday,12th may 2011!

it was my most unluckiest day~

i remember it well.why, because that's the day when my heart was shattered to pieces,(figuratively)..

i woke up late,as usual.(duh~)

went to school with rouxin.

arrived quite late to school.

we were supposed to start our chem IA today.i actually asked atin to tell the lab's person to prepare all the materials and apparatus.

i was so mad because nearly all apparatus are damaged!!grrr!

sbr je la~

but then because of that, its quite amusing to see how atin n alethea tried to cheer me up:)

love u guys :)

the second disaster was i was very mad at r for getting close to j.

Oh God, if only i know that i am going to face this horrible feeling, i should not started this game in the first place.i was like..please r..its just a game ok...

whatever..

the third thing was regarding the trip.

i'm just a minor organizer.but i think that i also deserved to know what is going on.

being a touchy, i am.

i know that maybe she is more comfortable with her because..well..they work together..

i dont know who am i to them.whatever..

just forget it n start a new life.n........just dont open up ur self too much to people because somehow they are gonna hurt u.

and the last thing is i've decided to forget him

the moment i knew he chatted with her,i knew it.

he's still one of those unforgivable sweet-talker..

guys r stupid.some men too.

throw rocks at them.pot n pans too.

-hlovate-

later.taa~ :)